Like the concept of death for instance. That ruffed up baby bird you found in your back yard? It ain’t coming back. Try to feed it. The poor little thing is just not hungry. Its irreversible. Sometimes things can’t be fixed.

At some point you realize that every living thing dies – plants, animals and gulp, even people. Initially we think we are part of a protected group can’t die – our parents for example and most certainly ourselves. I still recall the moment when I was around 6 years old when I realized there was no protected group. And I too could die. It rocked me to my bones.

Other epiphanies emerged as I got older: Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy couldn’t possibly be real and EGADS - sometimes parents lie. And later the awareness that “happily ever after” happened in movies but rarely in real life. Cinderella may have been dewy eyed over Prince Charming but it takes more than the perfect shoe size to make a great relationship. Yet, trapped by our genetics and upbringing, somehow we still make the same mistakes over and over and over again.

Another huge revelation – “apples really DON’T fall far from the tree.” I was so certain I would not grow up to be like my parents. I was the rebel child in the family. I was going to be different than them. But as I got older I discovered I WAS like them in so many ways and the biggest surprise: it wasn’t such a bad thing. They weren’t so imperfect after all. And in fact, I felt a great admiration for them. I wasn’t “becoming my parents” they had always been a part of me. From the moment I was born. Not only that, it dawned on me that I was also an amalgam of ALL of the ancestors that had blended together to make me who I was. Hence, my obsession with genealogy. I know it’s not all about the gene pool. You can take a perfect heirloom seed and plant into a poor soil and it won’t thrive. But your ancestral roots are certainly a puzzle piece to the “who am I question.”

So, for me family stories matter. When I was pregnant and terrified of giving birth, I thought of all those other mothers in the world. Afterall, they got through childbirth and by golly so could I. As I research my family tree I get strength from knowing they faced adversity and they faced death and if they can do it, so can I. And I take the greatest pleasure in knowing that my two phenomenal children and two equally amazing grandchildren carry a piece of me in them. The circle of life continues, even if ultimately I can’t.

Patricia Grant Cobb

The Author